Saving Myself From Fire

I’ve always been told that I have the ability to alter a room with my energy.

Being a Sagittarius- a powerhouse of expressive fire -finding that balance between wanting my feelings to be heard and knowing when to sort it out within myself has been, by far, the hardest skill to master on my emotional journey.

For a long time, I’ve expected people I cared about most to give into me and how I was feeling because in my eyes, that showed their level of care. Catering to my needs equated to love for me. * I guess I finally did admit that.

I thought that asking time to stop on their end, just to be sympathetic with me wasn’t really asking for much at all- but just hearing me say that aloud now, is like “wow that’s not fair and pretty selfish.” It wasn’t that I wanted them to join me in my pity- I just wanted them to express an agreeable concern and comfort for the validity of my feelings. I wanted them to make me feel like I was allowed to feel how I felt and that someone agreed with my side.

In reflection, what I really wanted was an ego stroke, instead of a solution.

I didn’t want to hear the logical response of “So what now?”– I wanted to sit in the tightness of my emotions. It was like I craved for someone to say “I feel you. I get that. I agree. I probably would feel the same way.” But in healthy functioning relationships, you don’t always get that. Sometimes you’re going to hear the breakdown of how irrational your emotional processing can be. Or hear a more logical approach for solutions because ultimately it’s a waste of time to dwell in a mood that you know is hungry for change.

Can’t be mad at the ones helping you sort out solutions, just because they don’t want to chat with your issues all the time.

The act of expressing what’s bothering me alleviates so much tension & weigh off of my shoulders- however, just to put it on someone or something else where it does not belong… if I’m not careful.

I am learning that ultimately it is my work. My job. My responsibility to soothe those dark feelings. To not be codependent on the ability of others to unravel my binds- because that leaves power to expectations and if those fall short, my threads begin to tangle. I am breaking the cycle that leaves me in knots.

I am saving myself from fire. So excuse me if it gets a little hot from where I stand.

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